The Loser Who Holds His Head High

The 1997 film, Gattaca is based on two twins – one born naturally and another who was born through advanced genetic engineering – Vincent and Anton. Although born from the same mother and father DNA, Anton is superior to Vincent in all aspects of human ability, be it physical strength or mental sharpness. Every day, they play a game called ‘Chicken’ wherein both swim into the sea as far as he go until one of them gives up. Naturally, Anton beats Vincent easily, each time, every time. Vincent is aware he cannot win this race. Frustrated at his helplessness, Vincent challenged Anton one more time; the only difference being that this time he is determined to win. So they set out again, swimming further than usual, longer than usual, and this time it is Anton who has to give up. He called out to his brother, “Vincent! Stop! You will drown us both.” On coming ashore, Anton asked Vincent how he did it, to which Vincent answered, “Brother, I did not leave anything for the swim back.”

In the famous 2010 Mohali Test, India were chasing an impossible-looking Australia total after being reduced to eight down, with VVS Laxman and Ishanth Sharma on crease. But it seemed that Laxman, who suffered from a stiff back, won’t let the Aussies win easy. He fought and fought hard, eventually creating history. When asked at the post match conference, he simply said he didn’t want to lose without fighting and winning was something that just happened in the process.

Milkha Singh bowed out of the Sydney Olympics without qualifying for the finals. He took his defeat as an insult, and trained harder than ever before and eventually broke the world record! Narayan Murthy built Infosys the hard way – losing out critical deals, sacrificing a lot of pleasure and taking massive risks. We all know what Infosys is today.

After facing a testing moment, whenever I do, I lock myself up in the bathroom, look in the mirror and ask one question – Have I given my best? A ‘yes’ leads to the ultimate satisfaction and a really good night’s sleep. A ‘no’ would not allow me to rest one bit and I keep pondering what should I have done different. Yeah! I am very hard on myself that way! But, I believe that fighting for that ‘yes’, that night’s sleep, the man in the mirror gives me immense motivation to find newer heights, constantly discovering higher limits. Then the result does not matter. It is a different matter that when one ‘leaves nothing for the swim back’, one rarely loses. Yet if one still does, would the likes of Laxman, Milkha Singh and Mr. Murthy be considered losers, had they actually lost in their endeavors? Probably, for the world! But in their eyes, the man in the mirror will always hold his head high.

The Last Breath

An oil lamp was lit quite some time back. All this while it shone brilliantly, doing its job efficiently, the job it was born to do. But now, only the last few drops of oil remain. The darkest corner of the room, lying right beneath the lamp’s feet, is waiting patiently, waiting for the time to strike; the time isn’t too far. A ferocious wind blows across trying to end the lamp’s life abruptly. But, the lamp fights on. It has stamped on the darkest corner all its life and will continue to do so, till it lives, till the last breath…

‘All good things come to an end’ (and so do all the bad ones) was how my school Assembly used to end. Sometimes, one knows the end is near, while at others, it comes as a rude shock. At times, you choose your end and at others, fate has different plans. But I wonder how it feels to undergo those last moments, how does one find the courage to move on.

This question struck me when Sachin Tendulkar decided to quit a 24-year old international cricket career at 40, an age considered too old for the sport, a career, people say, was stretched way past his peak. I was almost convinced it was against his will; be it his body not supporting him (which he later admitted), his reflexes slowing down or the pressure from the BCCI and media, it was not what he wanted. A hurriedly arranged tournament was fitted in Team India’s already busy schedule and matches were held at Kolkata and Mumbai as per his wishes. Articles running lengths in miles were written and a whole nation emoted the frenzy. The man deserved every single adulation and gesture; he had earned it, but amidst all this madness, he would have still thought- ‘Last match! I mustn’t fail!’

I witnessed the feeling in college when two of my closest friends ended up playing, what could have been, their last competitive match, and lost them. Both cried uncontrollably thereafter and kept pondering over what could have changed the outcome: should I have run faster, should I have practiced longer?

What is with these people, champions, in their respective fields, that the last event matters so much? No one would dare give them lesser credit if they fail in their last outing. Yet, a Don Bradman or a Saurav Ganguly will not forget his last match where he was out without scoring. Retirement becomes impossible to accept for a Michael Schumacher, who has got nothing left to prove, but still makes a come-back with a non-Ferrari team and a Shahid Afridi, who has made several retirements and come-backs and continues to lack consistent form!

Yes, an indomitable passion runs in these people’s veins for a field that has created their identities. For them, leaving their identities behind themselves and moving on, is like unwillingly living someone else’s life. But I also don’t understand what gives my grandfather, all of 80 years, having accomplished all desires in his life, the zeal to still actively work in the stock market, why does accepting retirement become so difficult and what leads Sachin to ask his wife, “Can I still go for cricket practice after I retire?!”

Just about two drops of oil remain in the lamp. The end nears. The darkest corner knows the time is nearer. He begins to dance furiously, trying to overpower the light from the lamp. But, the lamp is still alive! It shines. The light is brighter. However, the grip of its feet, under which lies the darkest corner, loosens. It gives out one last smile, and the room is brighter than ever before, one last fight, which it knows it might lose. And then, the one last breath… and darkness takes over.